..And so I left my blog unattended for 2 years.. wasn't sure why but I guess motherhood took over. I didn't have the time to write plus the motivation to be in front of the computer just fizzled out. But here I am today re-reading what I wrote almost 2 years ago and decided to write again. I guess I needed some place to share all my thoughts and things I've been doing (guess I need to promote my blog more, traffic seems a bit slow). It's kind of therapeutic..I think for me..
So, 2 years past and my daughter is 3 years old now. Been married for 4 years. We've been trying for another one but I think the big E is saying not now. But my biological clock is ticking too fast. If possible I would like to shut down the factory once I reached the number 35. Initially, I wanted more kids (if financially permits) but I think I would settled with another 1 or 2 more (3 is the maximum for me). God, it was so easy the last time I got pregnant. Not sure why it seems so hard nowadays. Blame it to the long distance relationship I guess. My husband is still working in a different district and takes around 11 hours by car. He's only around twice in a month. Hahahah okay maybe I need to stop playing the blaming game and focused on my own body.
My main concern is, I might forget all the 'things' once you become a mother to a newborn. Oh you know i.e how to hold a newborn baby, how to breastfeed, latch, etc. But I guess it'll come naturally once you become a mother.. I hope! Even now I don't have the guts to hold a newborn. My daughter is also pestering me around and she get to DECIDE the gender. She wants a baby brother (if only its that easy my dear). The other day my tummy was bloated (blame the period) and she said to me "Mommy, your tummy is so big. Is my baby brother inside?" *sigh*
Not to mention that obligatory conversation you get when you meet your relatives "When is the second one coming?" (errrr...tomorrow) and another one "I think it's the write time for you to have another one" (and who are you to decide?) and wait for it the mother of all "Senang sj ba tu, hari-hari buat".... (okay I honestly made that up). But the truth is, it ain't easy...it ain't easy to get pregnant and it ain't easy to raise one (you got to prepare mentally, physically and most importantly financially). I was on protection up until my daughter was 1.5 years old. We promised ourselves not to get pregnant up until our daughter reached at least 2 years old. And now when we're ready it just seem not going to happen any time soon. But apparently I'm being positive. Who knows I might be saying I'm ready, But God might not be on the same page as me. So for the time being all I can say is, wait and see (and pray!).
